I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
