Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
