How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
