i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Enjoy the penises