So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried