Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.