Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!