Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
