thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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