i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
