I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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