My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
