smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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