so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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