just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
