i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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