At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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