I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
