so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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