I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
