That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
