i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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