My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
