I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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