so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
