last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
