I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
