if you like me you must not know who I am
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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