I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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