i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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