Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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