Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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