i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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