I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
