i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
