Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
