I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
