First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
