If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
