Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
