i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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