Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
