Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
