no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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