i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
