Well apparently he's into motor boating.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
