Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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