I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
