Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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