Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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