You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
