When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
