You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
