She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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