Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Vodka?
Forever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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