how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
