fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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