I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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