Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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