Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
