the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
