she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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