You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
