let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
