So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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