the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
