They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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