pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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