We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
