I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
