I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
