the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
