What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
